Social Anxiety and Relationships

I have posted about social anxiety and relationships before, but it is one of the hardest to deal with for me, and probably a lot of others. It is also something I am dealing with at the moment.

It is hard enough for someone with social anxiety to meet people, let alone allow yourself to be open with your feelings enough to form a relationship. Pretty scary stuff if you suffer from social anxiety.

Once a relationship has been established, anxiety usually rises. Do you tell this person your struggles with social anxiety? I say yes, but I am a firm believer in honesty. Not to mention, if you have a severe case of anxiety, they will come to realize this on their own.

But what if you've been honest from the start, and they decide to stand by you, because they tell you they love you. Is love enough? I believe it takes a very special person to handle the highs and lows of someone who struggles daily.

Even the most loving person probably wonders why we just can't "snap out of it." Especially for those of us who have perfected hiding the symptoms. It is not like a broken leg which is visibly apparent that there is something wrong.

He or she most likely thinks:

• Panic attacks can't be that bad
• Most of it is probably just in their head
• They are doing this just for attention
• They can control this

I have also learned that loved ones, once they see you have a good day, or conquer something, they think you're cured. They don't understand that it is a day-in and day-out battle for my life. That I never know what the next day will bring.

It is 10 times harder if you have a lot of stress in your life. I am still in pain from my surgery a few weeks ago, and sometimes it is almost unbearable. This causes frustration, anxiety, and depression.

Add these to the mix, and it is extremely hard if not impossible to not let those negative thoughts that bombard us every day take over. One innocent remark, one forgotten phone call, or one of many other statements made, that are not meant to hurt.

So, what happens? I suffer in silence. I put the mask on to hide the fact that I am desperately hurting. I put the mask on to hide because it is so damn embarrassing. I scream, cry, and curse... why must I be like this?

Then I wonder if it is worth it. Which pain would be worse? The gut wrenching pain caused by my thoughts from something innocent, or from him walking out of my life? I am pretty sure the latter, because I love him with all my heart, and I want him to remain a big part of my life.

So, of course, the negative thoughts have to change, as I've posted many times. And, as I've also posted, there will be setbacks. This is where I am at, and have been at the past few days. Will he walk out of my life before I can turn things around? Maybe... does this cause more anxiety and panic episodes? Yup...

Everyone has setbacks... just because I know what needs to be done, doesn't mean I'm immune from them.

Until next time...