Social Anxiety | When Not To Be Assertive

One skill people with social anxiety need to learn is how to be assertive. Yes, it is a learned skill because there's a fine line between being assertive and being aggressive.

When Not To Be Assertive

I have learned when not to be assertive, and that is when I'm darn sure I am going to come across as aggressive.

Today was one of those days. I went with my daughter to her doctor's appointment. I found most of the people there very friendly and helpful. That is until it was time for her ultrasound.

My daughter is pregnant, and we waited what seemed like forever for this day to come. Today was the day we were going to find out if she was having a boy or a girl.

My daughter was taken back to get ready while I waited with her friend in the waiting room. 10 minutes later, we were asked to come back.

Before we were taken back to the room however, we were given a nasty lecture on how we were going to "behave" and we were going to be quiet because she had a job to do.

I mean, in a very vile tone, and no one said a word yet. After we got into the room, she asked my daughter a question. Someone cleared their throat, and she very snottily said that she asked my daughter, not us.

I kept my mouth shut because this was my daughter's day, and I didn't want to be the one who she remembered ruining it for her.

Assertive Actually Aggressive

So, Miss Holier-than-thou, thank you very much for ruining my daughter's day. Her first child, wow, you are a piece of work. Oh, and yes, you were wrong, you made the mistake, so you should have listened to my child when she tried to correct you, instead of blaming your mistake on her. Saying something ridiculous that you made the mistake because we were hurrying you?

Miss high-all-mighty, "you" were in charge remember? That's what you told us anyway. How could we possibly hurry you? Great-Grandma was sitting there, too, her birthday is tomorrow. Respect elders much?

As I believe one should be assertive and stand up for oneself, I also believe there are times when you should just keep quiet and smile because loving someone is so much more important.

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I should have said something and gotten kicked out of the room. Yes, this witch would have done just that. Especially when she was absolutely, ridiculously rude, and as you can see, I definitely would have come across as aggressive and not assertive.

Assertive and aggressive behavior walk a fine line, but there are also people who are so rude and vile, no matter which behavior we use, probably won't do any good.

What do you think? Is it better to be assertive and stand up for yourself no matter what? No matter at what cost? Or do you think there are times, although rare, when you should just remain quiet and smile?