I always thought my social skills were poor. I have had several people, including professionals, tell me that my social skills were fine. Of course, having social anxiety, or social phobia, my thoughts about myself are very critical.
However, when given the following questions, I agreed to most, thus proving to myself I do need additional skills in the social skills area. These questions are:
- Do you have trouble initiating conversations?
- Can you keep a conversation going?
- Is it hard to maintain eye contact?
- Do you say yes a lot so the other person keeps talking?
We go back to practice makes perfect. As I have posted several times, I am very uncomfortable talking on the phone. I never know what mood the caller is in, nor what the call will be about.
So I need to practice. I have my coping skills card. I write down what I want to say if I am initiating the call. And of course, I have my breathing skills to help keep me relaxed and focused.
Whatever social skill you think you lack, practice, practice, practice.
Conversation: If you find it difficult to initiate or keeping a conversation going:
- Try asking open ended sentences. Ones where a yes or no answer just wouldn't work.
- Don't be afraid to let them know “you just don't know how to break the ice.”
- Make sure you listen! We get so caught up in our faulty thoughts we tend to not even hear what the other person is saying.
- Listen to other people's conversations.
There are more tips to mastering conversation skills that I will be sharing with you.
Until next time...
That's good advice. Much of my SA revolves around being unable to make small-talk, particularly at parties or other social functions. Business to business talk I seem to be okay with, but the moment it's about me personally, I just don't feel I've got anything interesting to say.
ReplyDeleteAnother issue, and I know this is pretty common for anyone with any level of shyness, is figuring out how to work your way into a small group of people already chatting at a party. I tend to stand alone and wait for people to come to me. My "thinking," if you can even call it that, is that those small groups that form at parties are not interested in having me join their clique; however, if someone approaches me first, then at least I know they want to chat with me. I know this is a simply unreasonable, negative and illogical, but I can't help it.
Anyway, your thoughts on practicing/facing your fears, also known as exposure thearapy, are right on the money. At least that's what I hear, since I haven't tried it myself. ;)
D.
D.
Thank you for your comments.
ReplyDeleteRejection is a big time fear of mine and almost everyone. Your thinking may be negative, but that is a big problem with SA sufferers.
And changing negative thoughts is one of the hardest things I've ever done, and still working on.
If joining a small group of chatters at a party is a goal for you, go for it! Take as many small steps as necessary, even if it is just playing it out in your mind.
You have the confidence for the business to business talk, the other just needs practice.
Send me an email and let me know how you are doing.
Pam