Social Anxiety - Inaccurate Expectations

Overcoming social anxiety is a very slow process. When my therapist had me doing these exercises, I thought she was a little nuts. However, I was and still am determined to beat this anxiety disorder, so I did what she asked, and continue today.

We have to dig deep inside ourselves to figure out when we feel danger in social situations, why we feel that way, what thoughts are coming into play, and identify our inaccurate expectations about the dangers.

Sometimes I don't even have to be at a social event for my anxiety and panic thoughts to rear its ugly head. I can just look at a word, and get a flood of thoughts and unrealistic beliefs.

So, pick out a social situation from the thought diary that caused anxiety. Write down a description of that situation.

Mine was going outside to mow the lawn and do some yard work. Notice I am not even in a social situation, but the feelings and thoughts are the same.

From the example, think about how likely you were in that situation to experience disapproval. Rate your beliefs on a scale of 0 to 10. Let your fear do the rating. This is how you actually felt. Mine is rated at 10.

Now rate this situation on a scale of 0 to 10 on how severe you felt the consequences would be if someone disapproved of you. Mine is rated at 10.

We now have an idea of what our original expectations were. Chances are, you rated about the same as I did, with very high beliefs of experiencing disapproval, and severe consequences if someone disapproved.

The problem is, we have had these thoughts and beliefs for so long, we think they are pretty accurate. Let me tell you, they are not.

We will discuss changing our thoughts, beliefs, and expectations next.

Until next time...