Social Anxiety can be very crippling. Here is another example of a perfectly "simple" task.
Don't call me, I'll call you is a famous line. However, for me, it has a much deeper meaning.
This is very hard to share. I feel “naked” and standing in front of a packed auditorium with every eye focused on my imperfections and flaws.
Let's Make A Phone Call
I try to make lists planning out my day. At the bottom of the list is an entry of a phone call I have to make. It is at the bottom of the list because it is the most feared task I have to accomplish.
As I get toward the bottom of my list, I can feel the anxiety rising. I am starting to shake, I can't concentrate on the task at hand, and I am starting to get nauseous.
There I sit staring at the telephone agonizing over picking it up and dialing. It doesn't matter who I am calling. It can be a stranger, or one of my friends. It is the same every time.
Here are some thoughts that race through my head at lightening speed:
What if I get the wrong number? What if I can't understand them? Maybe they are too busy, and I will interrupt them. They might get snide or snippy or just plain rude. My question is going to take too much time, maybe I better call later. I am going to stutter and embarrass myself.
Incoming calls work basically the same way. I did purchase Caller ID and it helps somewhat, knowing who is calling. I am able to (to an extent) get my thoughts together before I answer, or choose not to answer at all.
If I manage to actually make a call, my thoughts don't stop when I hang up. I analyze everything that was said, how it was said, what tone of voice the person had, and how I thought I was perceived. Over and over... until my anxiety is so high, it almost renders me immobile.
All this, just to make a phone call.
Until next time...
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Making an out going call is tolerable, but what produces the most anxiety in me is the hearing
ReplyDeletethe phone ring - even if I am expecting the call. I hate the ringer. I hear them at work all day and to have to come home and listen to it is unbearable. Many nights I come home and instantly turn the ringer off and allow all calls to go to voice mail. I wasn't always like this. However, I cringe when it rings - I feel like it's just something else - a monster so to speak - to take something away from or tell me what a failure I am. To hear a phone ring sets my nerves on edge, my thoughts racing, and my heart accelerating. I often take anxiety medication to keep it at bay. I thought I was the only person to suffer from this. Thank goodness for voice mail and caller ID (which helps). My bills don;t have my direct home phone number, I give them a private voice mail number I use and check on line every other day. It helps. I hate the phone. No one else understands.
Thank you for your comments, anonymous. It may seem like no one else understands, but there are some who do. It can just be very hard for some to admit.
ReplyDeleteWow, I thought it was only me, but making phone calls it's a torture process, I think the same things as you, and now it's even worse because I'm living in another country with a different language and sometimes I don't get to understand what they say, OMG it's so stressing.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a teenager, my mother used to spy on me while I was on the phone. I can still hear her breathing, when I was sitting in the living room, talking to friends, and she was in the kitchen listening to the whole conversation on the other phone. This went on for years, and since then I have an outright phobia for the telephone. I think it was traumatic. Right now, my girlfriend is abroad, and she's mad at me, because I didn't call her often... But even though I love her with all my heart, I don't dare to call her. This is so depressing.
ReplyDeleteThis was an eye-opening blog. I never considered that I have a social anxiety related to telephones, but I have struggled very much lately with making phone calls. I think to myself, "What if I call and ask a stupid question?" or "The person who picks up will be mad with me if I call," and so forth. I get depressed over it, and think that I'm totally incompetent for not making the phone calls... but I'm scared, and don't know what to do--or at least, I didn't know what to do. I will follow the simple steps suggested here for overcoming it. Thank you so much.
ReplyDeleteI suffer from this too and it's staring to ruin my relationships. I'm on medication, I've tried counseling, I've tried Jesus, I've tried yoga...
ReplyDeleteI'm still scared of the phone, or more specifically the phone call. Initiated or received, I hate phone calls. I can psyche myself up to make or answer a call, if I know what the boundries are. It's still a huge effort but I do it, for my kids, for my spouse, for work. It's the open ended contact that kills me, and that's usually friends. So my friends think I don't really care about them enough to reach out and call. We moved two years ago to a new city and that has complicated things so much more. It's almost impossible to make new friends or keep old ones without a phone call. So, I finally joined Facebook, hoping I'd at least be in the loop that way. Now, I'm finding that my anxiety extends to Facebook too. WTF! I'm a really nice person, I'm smart and creative, I have deep convictions and passions, but I am trapped by this rotten phobia, and it is hard not to feel really bad about myself. I feel weak and limited. Well, I am limited I guess, but I hate feeling defined by that limitation. We all have limitations, why does this have to be mine?
I hate phones. I can stand the sight but taking a call and making one is hellish. I can call my dad because I know he wont think Im dumb if a trip over my tongue and my best friend is the same. They're the easy ones to talk too. The one big problem is my mother.
ReplyDeleteShe's threatened me if I don't call someone, shes refused to give me any pocket money for not making a call and only recently has she threatened to cancel my birthday, take away my presents (even ones from my dad and friends) and demand money she gave me back (she gave me this money as compensation of sorts) just because I can't call a local shop about a possible after-school job. I don't like phones and she knows that but she still does this crap.
Hi, i just wanted to say I feel the same. I don't have the thoughts floating into my head like many said they do, but I get a general feeling of panic when I even think of making a call. I also have caller ID and I have real trouble answerng the phone even when I know it's someone I really need to talk to. I have a bit of anxiety talking to people at my work (a retail position), but nothing like the phone. I tend to do fine in a phone call once I've made it, but it takes me days, weeks, and in some cases years (calling the government to change my name after being married took my 3 years). I just wanted to share and say thankyou, I appreciate at least knowing that I am not alone.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad there are others who feel this way. I work in PR and Marketing and people don't understand why I have such a hard time making or taking calls. I am going to show this to my significant other who swears I am making this up to get out of doing stuff.
ReplyDeleteYes, Angela, that is a big problem. Others have a very hard time understanding. I was talking to a doctor just yesterday and she echoed what we all feel. How do you explain this problem? It's very hard.
ReplyDelete