Social Anxiety - A Trip To The Store

Social Phobia, also known as Social Anxiety is very real, but often misdiagnosed. Some are labeled shy, depressed, or even paranoid. So, I feel I must share more specific daily struggles so those unfamiliar with Social Phobia, or Social Anxiety, can better understand.

A Trip To The Grocery Store

A simple trip to the grocery store causes extreme anxiety. Before I even get to the store, I am worrying about finding a parking space. It's not as simple as worrying about finding a place to park. Driving into the parking lot, my thoughts are, I must look really stupid looking for a place to park.

My next thoughts are What if I pull in wrong and have to back up and try again, people are going to think I'm stupid. Or, I might pull into a spot that is too tight and won't be able to get out and everyone will laugh.

If I “make it” into the parking space without incident, I ignore the fact that nothing that was going through my head happened. Instead, on the walk to the store I am thinking I hope I don't trip or stumble. Or, What if one of the doors is locked and I use that one... What if I push it instead of pulling it? All this mounting anxiety, and I'm not even in the store yet.

Once I am in the store, of course everyone is looking at me, waiting for me to stumble, or do something foolish. I try not to look too many people in the eyes, because my anxiety is already so high, my mouth feels like cotton balls and tastes like a hot, sandy desert. There's no way I am going to be able to say Hi to anyone without sounding strange.

Here are some more thoughts racing through my mind, as I try to make my way through the store. What if I can't find what I am looking for, I can't ask anyone, if I do, it will be right in front of my face and I'll look stupid. I have to put the cart somewhere so I won't trip on it or have my coat get caught on it when I reach for the milk. If I drop the milk I am going to die.

Let's assume that I didn't panic and I actually made it to the checkout line. I need to find a short line because it is just excruciating standing in line, looking stupid, waiting for my turn to have to talk to the cashier. Here's my dilemma... I can't actually look for a short line, because if I can't find one and have to double back, I will look like an idiot. So, I hope and pray I find one.

By the time I get to the cashier, I am sweating like a pig, my heart is pounding so hard I think everyone can hear it, I can't swallow or even lick my lips because my mouth is so dry, and now I have to say hi. My voice is going to crack if it even comes out at all, for sure I am going to stutter, or I am going to answer “the wrong” question.

I have to use a debit card, because my hands shake so bad I cannot write a check. I stand before the machine with tears in my eyes and a lump swelling in my throat because I'm not sure how the machine works. I can't ask for help, because the cashier will know I am crying and think I am a baby.

I could go on and on and on, but I think you get the idea.

If all that is not enough, when I finally get home, I relive the whole experience over and over. Focusing on anything negative that might have happened or that I dreamed happened. I rarely see a trip to the grocery store as an accomplishment. I see it as the most dreaded, dark, and exhausting experience that I never want to go through again.

Yes, it was a simple trip to the grocery store.

Until next time...