Social Anxiety | Change Your Brain And Live!

I am always looking for ways to help someone overcome social anxiety, and I stumbled upon a book that I think is fantastic. It is called Change Your Brain Change Your Life: The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Anxiety, Depression, Obsessiveness, Anger, and Impulsiveness. I know, long title!

To back up for a second, are you seriously trying to overcome social anxiety? Or are you like so many, just trying to cope with it and try to just live day to day? Change is very scary to some people, for many reasons, but you need to change your brain and thoughts if you are going to cure your social anxiety.

It can be done, because I have done it; social anxiety no longer runs nor ruins my life. I actually enjoy going places and living! It is a breath of fresh air, and it truly feels good.

Anyway, back to the book. Change Your Brain, Change Your Life: The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Anxiety, Depression, Obsessiveness, Anger, and Impulsiveness was written by Daniel G. Amen. He is a a psychiatrist and neuroscientist who has done extensive research on the brain.

In the book, he explains how the brain works, what happens when things go wrong, and how to optimize brain function. Some of the chapters include:

• Looking into love and depression
• Looking into anxiety and fear
• Mastering fear
• Looking into worry and obsession
• Brain Dos and Brain Don'ts
• and much more

Change Your Brain, Change Your Life may be a little more technical than most books, but it is still getting great reviews.

If you are looking for a less technical book, but still value great information, Daniel G. Amen has several great self-help resources available. Whatever you do, don't just sit on the sidelines, get in the game of life and enjoy it!

Panic Attack | What Not To Do!

It is critical when you are having a panic attack not to panic. It sounds very simple, but if you are in the middle of a panic attack, it is very hard not to panic and cause the situation worse.

Having a panic attack is similar to having a heart attack. Not pain wise, but the heart racing, the rapid breathing, the feeling like you can't breath, etc.

So it is important to have some quick ways to keep yourself calm. You are not going to want to try and think of a way to calm down when you are having a panic attack. It's just not going to work. You have to have something you can do that is very automatic.

If you have frequent panic attacks, you can carry a card with you with helpful tips and advice. For instance, you could write down that a panic attack does not cause a heart attack. Or you could write down "this won't last" or "you will not go crazy" or any other little thing that will reassure you and also to distract you.

Panic attacks stink, but the worse thing you can do during one is to panic. I hope this helps. Good luck!

Social Anxiety | When Not To Be Assertive

One skill people with social anxiety need to learn is how to be assertive. Yes, it is a learned skill because there's a fine line between being assertive and being aggressive.

When Not To Be Assertive

I have learned when not to be assertive, and that is when I'm darn sure I am going to come across as aggressive.

Today was one of those days. I went with my daughter to her doctor's appointment. I found most of the people there very friendly and helpful. That is until it was time for her ultrasound.

My daughter is pregnant, and we waited what seemed like forever for this day to come. Today was the day we were going to find out if she was having a boy or a girl.

My daughter was taken back to get ready while I waited with her friend in the waiting room. 10 minutes later, we were asked to come back.

Before we were taken back to the room however, we were given a nasty lecture on how we were going to "behave" and we were going to be quiet because she had a job to do.

I mean, in a very vile tone, and no one said a word yet. After we got into the room, she asked my daughter a question. Someone cleared their throat, and she very snottily said that she asked my daughter, not us.

I kept my mouth shut because this was my daughter's day, and I didn't want to be the one who she remembered ruining it for her.

Assertive Actually Aggressive

So, Miss Holier-than-thou, thank you very much for ruining my daughter's day. Her first child, wow, you are a piece of work. Oh, and yes, you were wrong, you made the mistake, so you should have listened to my child when she tried to correct you, instead of blaming your mistake on her. Saying something ridiculous that you made the mistake because we were hurrying you?

Miss high-all-mighty, "you" were in charge remember? That's what you told us anyway. How could we possibly hurry you? Great-Grandma was sitting there, too, her birthday is tomorrow. Respect elders much?

As I believe one should be assertive and stand up for oneself, I also believe there are times when you should just keep quiet and smile because loving someone is so much more important.

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I should have said something and gotten kicked out of the room. Yes, this witch would have done just that. Especially when she was absolutely, ridiculously rude, and as you can see, I definitely would have come across as aggressive and not assertive.

Assertive and aggressive behavior walk a fine line, but there are also people who are so rude and vile, no matter which behavior we use, probably won't do any good.

What do you think? Is it better to be assertive and stand up for yourself no matter what? No matter at what cost? Or do you think there are times, although rare, when you should just remain quiet and smile?

Social Anxiety | Homebody | Which One Are You?

I've had extreme social anxiety which often turned into panic attacks, and I've also overcome social anxiety for the most part. One thing I still don't like to do is go places or run errands.

Now, is this a form of social anxiety? Or is it just being a homebody? Social anxiety is an extreme fear of social situations. I don't have that extreme fear anymore. I still have anxiety, and I still get nervous when I go someplace new, but not the social anxiety I used to have.

Dictionary.com defines a homebody as "a person who prefers pleasures and activities that center around the home; stay-at-home."

I feel as though at this point in my life, I would consider myself as a homebody. For instance, I don't like going to the movies, although I love watching movies. What I don't like is driving to the theater (traffic stress), trying to find a parking space, waiting in line, and fighting to get into and out of the movie.

I am not worried about paying for a ticket, talking to people, or sitting next to a stranger. However, I would enjoy the movie more if I plugged it into my player at home, put my feet up, made some popcorn, and had a bunch of people at my house.

Some psychologists and such might say that I am using traffic and the hassle of going out to the movies vs. staying home just excuses, and I still have social anxiety. That may be true, but I don't mind going short distances from my home to visit or run errands.

Regardless if it is social anxiety or just a homebody, I know I am further ahead than I was a few years ago. You just have to grasp the "stop" or "I don't care" attitude, and flip those negative thoughts into positive ones.

Social Anxiety and Alcohol Abuse

People with social anxiety also find themselves abusing alcohol or other mind altering drugs. I'm not talking the ones prescribed by a doctor. I'm talking about using alcohol and drugs for self-help to overcome social anxiety.

I was on just about every medication you can think of to treat my social anxiety and depression, and I used to laugh and tell the doctor he would become rich if he could invent an alcohol pill. It seemed like that was the only thing to allow me to really relax.

What a mistake! A few years ago one summer, I used alcohol for self-help. I ended up more anxious and more depressed. Not to mention the problems it caused with my friends and family. Thank goodness I woke up one day and realized that, because I don't think I would be here today.

Social anxiety and alcohol abuse can go hand and hand if you're not careful. Trust me when I say using alcohol to overcome your anxiety is a huge mistake, and one that only makes matters worse.

Finally, alcohol is not on the self-help list to overcome social anxiety.

Social Anxiety | Perfectionism Is A Huge Flaw

Those suffering from social anxiety, or those with anxiety provoking traits, more often than not are perfectionists. Perfectionism is a huge flaw for those suffering from anxiety. It sounds a bit too simple, and maybe it is, but it's not as easy to cure.

Think about it. If you are a perfectionism, you have huge expectations about yourself, sometimes so high, you will never meet those expectations. The more you try, the more anxiety you cause yourself.

Perfectionism Is A Huge Flaw

You end up driving yourself so hard you end up with stress, exhaustion, and burnout. Every time you tell yourself you "should" or you "must" or you "have to" you push yourself beyond natural limits. You stop enjoying, and you do out of pure anxiety.

So what do you do? You just stop. Yeah, wouldn't that be nice.

• You have to realize you are worthy by just being you, not what you accomplish or achieve in life.
• Stop the negative thoughts of you should, or you must, or you have to; do because you sincerely want to do something.
• Don't fret over small mistakes. Seriously, who really cares?
• Concentrate on all the positives instead of the negatives.
• Be honest and don't set your goals too high.

If you see that perfectionism is a huge flaw when you have social anxiety, you can actively begin to change how you think and feel about yourself in a more positive way.

So, give me a huge smile and say I don't have to be perfect! Or, if you need a little more help, check out this book called Too Perfect, when being in control gets out of control. Good Luck!

Gene Linked To Shyness?

So, there's a gene linked to shyness now? You mean it's not just all in our mind?

CBS News is reporting that there has been a gene discovered by scientists that is linked to shyness in children and introversion in adults. The report goes on to say that they conducted three experiments involving kids, college students and young adults.

The gene is called RGS2, and these experiments showed a variation in the gene in the shy or introverted people. Although shyness and introversion aren't anxiety disorders, I found this study interesting because shyness and introversion can lead to anxiety disorders. Social Anxiety in particular.

You can read the full report HERE.

Shy Child? You Could Be Wrong!

Are you sure you just have a shy child? You could be wrong! Your shy child could actually have social anxiety. Well- meaning parents and teachers often over-look the signs of social anxiety in children, or attribute them to something else... shyness, lazy, tired, etc.

If your child seems very shy, you really need to start paying closer attention, and asking a lot of questions. If it is something deeper, you will want to take some form of action immediately to help your child.

Some signs are a little more obvious that your shy child has something more, like:

• Consistently not speaking in front of class or in any other social situation
• Consistently getting physically sick before any social situation
• Making up excuses to avoid any social situation

Some signs are not clear that your child is more than just shy, like:

• Consistently missing lunch at school (fear of eating in front of others)
• Poor report card comments due to no participation in class (fear of answering questions, etc)
• Poor grades (fear of asking the teacher for help)

You really need to talk to your child and ask a lot of questions. Really listen to the answers, and don't dismiss it as just having a shy child when it looks like it could be a form of social anxiety.

So, are you sure you just have a shy child? Can you, at the stake of your child, afford to be wrong?

Shy Is Cute Social Anxiety Is Ugly

Yes, I said it... shy is cute, social anxiety is ugly. How many times have you heard someone say, "Oh, she's (or he's) shy, isn't that cute?" Now, how often have you heard anyone say that about social anxiety? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Even though social anxiety is an extreme form of shyness, in no way is it considered cute. People with social anxiety are actually considered lazy by most people. Manipulative by others, because it looks like we are just trying to "get out of things."

If someone could invent a pill so someone could "actually" walk in another person's shoes, most of the presumptions of social anxiety, and other labels, would disappear. Not entirely, because there will always be ignorant people in the world.

For now though, to most people, shy is cute, social anxiety is ugly. If you suffer from social anxiety and you hear someone say how cute shyness is, just smile and remember they're not stupid, just a little ignorant.

8 Quick Tips To Raise Your Self Confidence

As I discussed earlier, social anxiety often goes hand in hand with low confidence and low self esteem. 

Why is it important to raise your confidence level? There are many important reasons why you should raise your self confidence. 

One of the biggest is it makes life much more fulfilling when you have the confidence to do just about anything.


People with social anxiety need to raise their self confidence and self esteem for a much quicker recovery from social anxiety. It isn't necessarily hard to raise your self confidence or self esteem, but it is something that needs to be practiced every day.


So, here are 8 quick tips you can to do raise your self confidence.

1. Give yourself a pep talk. Tell yourself over and over how confident you ARE.


2. Practice answering questions (from others). Instead of saying "okay" say "I'd be happy to," or "I certainly can!" Practice by yourself beforehand; it's empowering.


3. Smile... a lot!


4. Impress yourself. Do things to reward yourself instead of trying to please others all the time. Please yourself instead.


5. Hang awards, certificates, or accomplishments all over your house or in just one room. If you don't have any, go online and print some free ones. I'm not saying make something up, but everything you do in life is an accomplishment. Be creative.


6. Imitate Self Confident people. Pick someone who you think has confidence and imitate them. A neighbor, a friend, someone on television, it doesn't matter.


7. Stand up straight and tall. Walk with a purpose.


8. Wear clothes YOU feel are flattering. Same thing with your hairstyle, or any other part of your appearance you like.

Those are 8 quick tips to raise your self confidence that you can start implementing today. They are small things, but enormous once you've practiced and mastered them.